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Ice Planet Barbarians: A Sci-Fi Alien Serial Romance by Ruby Dixon

“We all know interspecies romance is weird.” ― Tim Burton

Take one part X-Files, an equal serving of Jericho Barrons’ monstrous alter ego in the Fever series by Karen Marie Moning, or as Auralee has coined him the “ferocious beast” as in Maggie and the…, with a soupçon of The Host, combined with a heroine straight out of one of her novels. I meant Auralee Wallace, not Stephenie Meyer, which is a good thing believe me. Is there anyone alive who wouldn’t love to punch Bella Swan in the face, just once? Then consider the Herculean task of surviving on a planet almost but not quite like Hoth, the snow planet in The Empire Strikes Back and you will have an idea of what reading the unexpectedly delightful Ice Planet Barbarians is like.

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Maggie and the Ferocious Beast: My One and Only Box, Just for Fun Video. Published by: Corus

In case I haven’t mentioned it lately, despite it’s faults, I love, love, love Goodreads. When doing my daily troll I noticed that Cara Bristol, author of the vastly entertaining Breeder series that I read last year, had posted a recommendation for an e-serial called Ice Planet Barbarians. Wait, what! I swear the title alone gave me pause however when I clicked on the description I was sold and one-clicked it immediately then proceeded to read it all in a single evening and stayed up WAY past my bedtime. Something that I will tell you, for those who don’t know me, I do not do lightly.

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From GoodreadsYou’d think being abducted by aliens would be the worst thing that could happen to me. And you’d be wrong. Because now, the aliens are having ship trouble, and they’ve left their cargo of human women – including me – on an ice planet.

And the only native inhabitant I’ve met? He’s big, horned, blue, and really, really has a thing for me…

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Georgie Carruthers didn’t believe in aliens, truly, why would she? One moment it was just another Tuesday in Florida and the next she had been transported into terrifying nightmare that proved to be all too real. She awakens in the hold of a ship, caged with a dozen or so other kidnapped women. All 22 years of age, in good health and relatively alone in the world. Thanks to Kira, the one captive who had been outfitted with a universal translator, they know that they are cargo being transported across the universe for what can only be nefarious purposes.

Being a “take charge” kind of girl Georgie is not content to “let the chips fall where they may” but it seems that the fates have other plans when the starship malfunctions necessitating that they dump their cargo planning to return for it later. To say the planet is inhospitable would be a massive understatement. They coin the planet “Not-Hoth” due to its frigid temperatures and barren tundra. The women have no supplies beyond the clothes on their backs and face the very real possibility of dying, if they do not find shelter and food beyond the hold and what few provisions their alien captors had provided them with.

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Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

After she kills one of the tyrannical guards in their escape attempt and also being the one of the least injured in the crash, Georgie is the natural choice to go out and search for help and/or supplies. Unfortunately she is trapped while fleeing a monstrous carnivorous aquatic-type animal. Personally I would faint too if I was hanging upside down and saw something that resembled the abominable snowman, and not the one from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, approaching to see what they had snared!

One of the things I’ve always liked about science fiction is the way it makes you think about things, and look at things from angles you’d never have thought about before.” ― Jo Walton, Among Others      

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James P. Sullivan, Monsters Inc. (2001)

It is at this point that $hit gets weird or weirder if you will, Georgie finds herself rescued by the fireman calendar equivalent of Sully from Monsters Inc. I apologize if I have ruined the Disney-Pixar classic for you but really… Seven feet tall? Blue? Furry? Tail? Horns? I’m just sayin’.


This whole damn planet is against me.

I’m feeling pretty miserable when Vektal sets me down in the snow and glares fiercely at me. “Saan tes.” He points at the ground. “Tes!”

“Stay here. Got it,” I mumble, feeling guilty. I cross my arms over my chest and wait.

He gives me an exasperated look and then heads a few feet away. I notice we’re right back at that stupid cliff with the buried cave. We’re right back where we started a short time ago, except in the meantime I’ve had half my hair pulled out by rabid yeti, acquired a few more bruises, and now he’s pissed at me.

I hate this place. I hate that it’s cold and it’s snowing all the damn time and everything wants to eat my freaking face. I hate that I’m wearing a smelly gross jumpsuit and that I ate raw meat and that there are a dozen girls up the hill who would probably kill to be in my place at the moment, and I can’t even feel grateful.  – Ruby Dixon, Ice Planet Barbarians


7_martaFor once it wasn’t Captain Kirk getting to bang the green chick or blue as it were. And who would have thought oral sex was the key to world peace or at least pretty darned close? When Vektal finds the strange female in his snare he is shocked to realize that the creature is actually his mate. What follows is a hilarious and X-rated courtship that has to be read to be believed. Now before you judge, read it first. I never would have considered relations with a blue horned alien prior to this at all titillating, well in truth I didn’t consider them at all. But then again my husband seems to often share a personality with Shrek so maybe I am just more open minded…

Ultimately, Ice Planet Barbarians: A SciFi Alien Serial Romance was all that I hoped Squirm by Cari Silverwood would be and sadly was not. Underneath the WTF synopsis was a story that was in equal parts sexy, humorous and sweetly romantic. I can only hope that she writes faster as I need the rest of the crash victims stories, well yesterday. Though I may never view Monsters Inc. in the same way again I enjoyed every word of this wonderfully ridiculous tale and have added Ruby Dixon to the list of my must read authors.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ruby Dixon is the seekrit penname of a NYT and USA Today Bestselling Author. Ruby, in conjunction with Ella Goode and Kati Wilde, is a contributor to the Motorcycle Club series. These are novellas for when you want all of the heat and emotion but don’t have all of the time. With word counts between 20,000 to 30,000, these sexy stories will deliver a hot romance between your favorite leather clad heroes and their amazing women.

Ruby also writes alien romance serials! Check out BARBARIAN ALIEN!

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REVIEW – Realm Walker Series by Kathleen Collins

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REVIEW

The Realm Walker series is reminiscent of one of the greatest paranormal police procedural series ever written… that is for the first 10 books before it descended into some really depraved stuff but I digress and will discuss the topic no more except to acknowledge that it is intended as the highest of praise. Nowadays with Charlaine Harris’ Vampire Bill and L.J. Smith’s Stephan and Damon Salvatore having become household names one could sigh and think “they just don’t write them like they used to” and for the most part they would be right. Even established Urban Fantasy novels can seem trite and unoriginal however this is where Kathleen Collins’ Realm Walker series distinguishes itself from the masses. Truly it is difficult to isolate just how Ms Collins has achieved this feat, her world building is flawless, the stories intriguing with interesting, if obstreperous characters. Even the brief visit to the past in The Making of Michael Bishop was atmospheric and nuanced.

Months ago when I first discovered Realm Walker I was struck immediately by the gorgeous cover, I mean was there anyone who didn’t love Trinity’s skin-tight leather catsuit in The Matrix? From its kick-ass heroine of mysterious origins to her delicious vampire lover Realm Walker is no holds barred supernatural adventure from beginning to end, while seamlessly incorporating a teeth gritting-ly frustrating romance. Realm Walker is a chimera of all the best aspects of the paranormal genre. Kathleen Collins’ has skilfully reinvented the classic paranormal paradigm with the mysterious hard boiled investigator type with just enough femininity as to be a convincing romantic heroine and the autocratic yet emotionally vulnerable vampire who loves her in a dark world full of monsters and the result is a fresh and entertaining read.

Death’s Daughter commences two short weeks following the events of Realm Walker. Despite the readers’ conviction, after reading Realm Walker, of the love between Julianna and Thomas they have yet to communicate. Though we hoped, of course it would be too easy for their reconciliation to be smooth. However she has more pressing things to attend to with the unexplained disappearance of “altered” children. Despite the compelling romance between Julianna and her husband I believe the strength of the Realm Walker series lies in the meticulous crafting of the story itself rather than the events coinciding or more commonly crafted seemingly as a foil for interaction between them.

Even The Making of Michael Bishop was perfectly orchestrated, tantalizing the reader with just enough detail to whet the appetite for more stories featuring Thomas’ second in command yet still managing to satisfy the mystery of his origins. In short, for those who have given up on the “Executioner” and possibly the “Red Reaper” as well, and those who long for Dublin before it fell I could not recommend a better option than the Kathleen Collins’ Realm Walker series.

rwDESCRIPTION – An estranged mate, a mangled body and a powerful demon who calls her by name…

As a Realm Walker for the Agency, Juliana Norris tracks deadly paranormal quarry using her unique ability to see magical signatures. She excels at her job, but her friends worry about her mysterious habit of dying in the line of duty without staying dead. That’s only the first of her secrets.

Most people don’t know Juliana became the mate of master vampire Thomas Kendrick before he abandoned her seven years ago. Most people don’t know the horrors she endured at the hands of the vampire he left in command. Most people don’t know her true parentage, or why a demon on a world-threatening rampage has taken a personal interest in her…

Even as Juliana pursues the demon, it goes after all she holds dear—including Thomas, who is back to claim her for his own. But if she can’t reconcile her past and learn to trust herself again, she will lose him forever.

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DDDESCRIPTION – Juliana Norris, Realm Walker with the Agency, is an Altered. A fact that she runs up against every time she’s forced to work with human police officers, and their species-ist commissioner, on cases they can’t solve themselves. Which happens more than they would like to admit.

Her gift—the quality that makes her the best Realm Walker in the business, without boast—is the ability to read magical signatures. Whether the gift came from her father, the dark fae god of death, or the mage mother she can’t remember, is anyone’s guess. And when Altered children start going missing with only wild magical signatures as clues, her heritage is the last thing on her mind.

She can’t afford such distractions, and she definitely can’t afford to worry about the fact that her mate, master vampire Thomas Kendrick, hasn’t spoken to her since she saved him from a demon—maybe it’s because she had to stab him to do so. Because whoever is kidnapping these children must be very powerful to wield wild magic. Very powerful, and very dangerous indeed.

AMAZON | Barnes & Noble | Harlequin Print

MMBDESCRIPTION – Keep your distance. Don’t look him in the eye. Feed him and leave.

Michael D’Augustino is a priest in the time of the Inquisition. Marked as weak for his refusal to torture those charged with sorcery, heresy, devil worship or worse, he’s given another task. Feed the prisoner in the cell in the darkest corner of the dungeon. With the edict comes a set of instructions.

Ever obedient, Michael does exactly as he is told. Until the night his charge doesn’t eat and Michael has to enter the cell to find out why. Instead of the beast he believes to be imprisoned there, he finds a man. A broken, tormented man who asks for help.

But all is not as it seems and, before the night is through, Michael will be changed forever.

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EXCERPT

REALM WALKER – She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then looked at him again. “You left me. You took everything from me.”

“I left everything for you. My money, my home, my coven. It’s all yours. It always has been.” He pushed both hands through his hair. “I gave you what you wanted. As much as it killed me to do it, I gave it to you. I only wanted you to be happy.”

“Yeah, my life’s been a regular carnival.” She sighed. “You just left me, Thomas. You left all of us. They assumed I was no longer under your protection. I assumed that. You left me alone under the authority of a vampire who resented my connection to you from the moment you brought me into the coven. There was no protection there for me. No home.”

“Always with the damn secrets,” he snapped. He took a moment to tamp down his temper before continuing. “What happened, Joya? What aren’t you telling me?”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Thomas. Not anymore. It’s done. And you weren’t there to stop it.”

Her words stabbed through his heart like a stake. He had failed her. He knew this now, but he didn’t know how to fix it. If he could fix it.

She stepped past him to the door and ran her fingers over the lock. “You abandoned me over some throwaway words. I can’t take the chance you’ll do it again.”

That wasn’t going to happen as he wasn’t ever leaving her again. “If I swore I wouldn’t?” When she didn’t respond, he placed his hand over hers on the knob. “Don’t answer me now. When you’re ready, we’ll talk. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ve got to get back to my friends,” she said. He hesitated then dropped his hand. She opened the door and walked out.

When the door shut behind her, he slumped against the box behind him and ran a hand over his face. His mind tried to make sense of just how everything in his life had gone to absolute crap. A few days ago he thought he had it all under control, that his actions had all been for the best. That his mate would see that and understand.

If he could just get her to listen. Since they didn’t seem to be able to stay in the same room together for more than five minutes without fighting he didn’t see that happening any time soon. Fighting or shoving their tongues down each other’s throats, he amended. He much preferred the latter. He ran a fingertip over his lips, the feel of hers still lingering. She was his. Her heart knew it. Her body knew it. Now he just had to convince her mind. He smiled. This was going to be fun.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

KCKathleen Collins has been writing since Kindergarten. And while her ability has drastically improved, her stories are still about monsters and the people who play with them.

The rare instances that she actually finds some spare time, she spends it playing with her two boys. Three if you count her husband.

She is currently hard at work on her next book.

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